Envy
by Distempered
Summary: They say jealousy can drive you mad.


**Disclaimer**: Anthony Goldstein and Susan Bones, as well as any other recognizable characters and properties belong to J.K. Rowling and not to me.

**Note**: This is the first of 100 non-connected fics that I am writing for the LJ fanfic100 challenge. My claim is Susan Bones/Anthony Goldstein. Any feedback is appreciated, as I am always looking to approve. The prompt for this fic is "Green".

**Rating:** T

**ENVY**

He sits in the common room alone at night, cataloging the worst of her offenses. Meticulous, his friends always say, he is meticulous to the point of obsession with his lists and his diagrams and his flow charts, which gives him no choice but to agree that yes, he is obsessive, but they point and laugh anyway, as if he has disagreed with their observations.

He sort of hates her. (Only 'sort of' because her stupid brown-green eyes are just too pretty to hate. And her smile is mysterious. And the freckles. And the hair that is just that perfect shade of brown on its way to black. And her stupid heart is just too damned big.) He sort of hates a lot of things, but no one ever really notices that because they are too busy being caught up with their own petty hatreds. His hatred is not petty - it's irrational, and he knows that (which makes it difficult for him to call it irrational because the very nature of irrationality is the inability to recognise reason).

The list is long.

1. Her heels always click on the library floor.  
2. Her lips move when she reads silently to herself.  
3. One of her eyes is more greenish than the other.  
4. Justin is stupid.

He scratches out number four, suddenly aware of its inaccuracy. Susan can't blamed for Justin's severe lack of intelligence.

4. She likes blokes that are stupid.

"I'll bet he doesn't even know that the Aquarius constellation is there on her right cheek, just below her cheekbone. No, he's too stupid to know anything about that."

"You know, mate, envy is about the ugliest shade of green there is."

It is none of Terry's business, anyway.

--- ---- ---- ---

He hears the annoying click, click, clicking of her heels and the whisper of her lips and the thud of her big damn heart while he lays in his bed at night, thankful that the curtains are drawn as tightly as they can be and praying that the Silencing Charm will hold up, while inside his head he screams at the top of his lungs that he (sort of) hates her and why doesn't she just stop being so gorgeous and unnecessary!

5. Her knickers aren't the same color as her bra.  
6. She doesn't ever stop moving.

At breakfast, he nearly slices his hand off, as he pays more attention to the bounce in her step and the flush in her cheeks as Justin kisses her good morning in front of the school and the Hufflepuff cheers make him want to just die, and the blood from the small cut is green, not red.

They say jealousy can drive you mad.

_Green blood --- I'm losing my mind._

--- ---- ---- ---

He bites his cheek, tastes the metallic salt of his own green/red blood. Why, for once, can't he just have what he wants? He just wants one small thing, one insignificant living, breathing almost-woman to have and to hold forever and ever 'til death do them part.

Her heart is just so damned big. Does she have to be so nice? Does she have to be so pretty? Does she have to date Justin Finch-Fletchley out there in everyone's faces --- it's mean. Unnecessarily mean, and it's so out-of-character for someone as nice as she's supposed to be.

7. She doesn't know when my birthday is.  
8. She doesn't know my middle name.  
9. She never talks to just me.

"Hi Anthony!" Susan almost sings, and Justin is standing there at her side looking like a great, hulking lump of nothing of significance. They sit down at his table, obviously unaware that Justin is so not welcome at all, ever, and she just starts sing-talking as if he isn't staring murderous daggers at her stupid, unnecessary boyfriend with his ugly curly mop-top and his stupid, hideous face!

10. She sings my name.

She babbles incoherently --- he isn't listening, he's staring at Justin's ugly hand as it clasps onto hers so tight like she's going to just disappear if he doesn't keep hold of her always, and maybe she will, fickle, evil, foul temptress --- "So will you be there?"

"Yes," and the word nearly chokes him, and the green in her green-brown eyes as they sparkle nearly kills him, so much that he has to get up and walk away before he kicks off right in front of her. He walks away with a dirty taste in his mouth, unsure of where he's agreed to be, and if it's some sort of couple's only fete, he'll absolutely scream, but only on the inside because he doesn't know how to scream on the outside.

--- ---- ---- ---

11. Her hair smells like cinnamon.  
12. She sits too close.

Does she even understand that she can't just sit next to a person that she isn't dating and put her hand on his knee like it's just okay? She can't just do that!

He feels like he is slowly suffocating, as she giggles and smiles that infuriating mysterious smile and spouts nonsense about 'why aren't you dancing?' and 'Terry and Mandy make such a cute couple' and 'Anthony, I never noticed how blue your eyes are' and he swears that he's going to snap if she gets any closer, but then along comes Justin and she's gone, gone, gone! And the cinnamon scent of her hair and the warm vanilla of her skin left behind are making him dizzy to the point that he's sure he's going to be sick. He gets up to leave, but the room is so green, everything is _green_, and he doesn't hear the concerned gasps as his knees buckle and he faints to the floor.

--- ---- ---- ---

He knows he isn't supposed to covet his neighbor's wife, but this isn't about the rules - this is about _justice_, this is about _setting things right_. Justin doesn't deserve Susan, simple as that.

"And you do?"

It is _none_ of Terry's business anyway.

--- ---- ---- ---

He lays there in the infirmary bed, waiting for the all clear that he can get out of there. It should have come days earlier, really, as all he did was feel a little weak, all he did was faint a little bit, honestly nothing at all for everyone to get so worried about. But he is still here, still lazing about in this infirmary, feeling boring and useless, except for those brief beautiful moments where she comes to visit.

"Are you feeling any better?" she asks, her beautiful green-brown eyes with their wistful sympathy goading him into breaking yet another of the ten. He lies, lies and says that 'no, he's not feeling all that great still,' and she smiles softly and runs her hand across his forehead, pushing his hair back from his eyes. "Oh Anthony," she sighs, "feel better, okay?"

"Okay," he replies, and she leans down to press the softest of kisses to his forehead, and it burns, burns, burns his skin, just imagining where those lips have already been, whose lips she has kissed, and that she will never, ever press those beautiful full lips to his own.

It just isn't fair. It isn't fair that Justin should have her, and it definitely isn't fair that Anthony can't have her, and why does it all have to be so _green_?

--- ---- ---- ---

They say real men take what they want. And they also say that jealousy can drive a person mad.

And Anthony knows that he is already mad...so why shouldn't he just try to take what he wants?


End file.
